"How can I steel myself against the pain?" Anonymous This question arose recently during a converstion with a friend. Wow! We subsequently enjoyed a rather enlightening discussion. We were talking about the anticipated experience of a loved one dying of cancer. My reaction: numb the pain. However we quickly realized that my addict was speaking those words, not my sobriety. The very first of the 12 steps requires honesty. Each of the subsequent steps is a journey dee

“Most of us are addicted to our own way of thinking.” Richard Rohr Ouch! This thought really takes the wind out of my sails. I have lived most of my life believing that my way of thinking, while it may not be the best, it should at least be considered within the top 10. Well, recovery has certainly changed that perspective. However, I have not fully integrated my open mind in to my life style, or should I say my mind-style. In my world of addiction, life was all abou

"What is to give light, must endure burning."~Victor Frankl Every Tuesday night, I return to the Healing House for Women to take part in a meeting about recovery. It is such a gift to return to a place I once lived; to me and the women that come and go from its shelter. Last night, a lovely woman grabbed my arm as I was walking to my car, looked me in the eye and said, "Thank you so much for coming. I just love hearing you speak. It gives me such hope that I can recover a

"We are not creatures who need improvement; we are rebels who must lay down our arms.”~ C.S. Lewis Resistance is painful, and often more than futile. It is down right paralyzing and dangerous. That is, if you really want freedom. I first learned this in analysis, when I left before I could experience breakthroughs. I was still running from discomfort and justifying it with some perfectly plausible excuse, like I have to move, or I can’t afford it. You know the drill, becaus

This seems like an appropriate topic following Valentine’s Day. I heard reports that the average man spends almost $200.00 to express his love. The average woman spends a bit over $100.00 to express her love. Hmmmm? Then I heard a topic on a talk show about food. There was a suggestion that there would be a presentation of recipe’s that were considered better than sex. Oddly enough, this did not attract my attention to the report. Instead, my mind settled in to a space

My writer friend Greg Peters introduced me to the word Saudade, and I felt exotic, just seeing it. Greg was exotic too, and brilliant. He died several years ago, not long after he wrote a review of my book. I have an affinity for exotic people, because they seem alive in a way that I admire. I reconnected with Greg on Facebook after a 30 year absence, and still find myself scrolling his page, even after his death. Greg lived out loud, and I feel like I've been in hiding. It's

"Explore daily the will of God?" C. G. Jung, from Meditations from the Mat So! This little phrase introduced us to a personal study of tapas, the third Niyama of our Yoga tradition. When studied in texts and teachings, tapas is referred to as self- discipline. Personally, my experience with self-discipline has been a chore, taken on with a negative outlook. It seems that no matter how hard I try to discipline myself, I fail. My efforts work for periods of time, like

Humility like the darkness, reveals the heavenly lights. Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) American naturalist, poet and philosopher There is something more than gratitude I feel for those that have gone before me on the path of recovery and spiritual development. A common bond of love and reverence, I guess. I feel less alone as I traverse uncharted territory. A line from one of my favorite Ferron songs comes to mind, "Where the lines connect but the points stay free." Fer

"It isn't that Spirit. He has the power to render us happy or unhappy; to make our service light or burdensome; a pleasure or a toil. Say that his power lies in words and looks; in things so slight and insignificant that it is impossible to add and count'em up: what then? The happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune." Ebeneezer Scrooge, from "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens, December 1843 Here we are 180 years later, still learning the lessons

“We are here to let Spirit move through us so powerfully, that the impossible becomes the ordinary. Being human is being an instrument of the Divine." ~ Panache Desai I'm not sure I ever liked being told what to do, and it wasn't just because I was a rebel. Somewhere within my being, I suspected that there was more to life than following rules, but I can't tell you where I came up with that idea. Perhaps it was in my home, where my mother and father demonstrated powerlessne